Funny Jokes for Whatsapp in English
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Funny Jokes For Whats app In English
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a brighter day.
Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Sometimes I take really hot showers to practice burning in hell
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If a “fatal” error is made with the E-mail I sent, does that mean I killed somebody?
Why is stuff sent on ships called “cargo” and UPS sends “shipments?”
If you take a shower in the morning be sure to bring it back,
someone else might need it!!
I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.
If you want to hide your face, go out naked.
There TWO ways to control your woman. But nobody knows them.
My neighbor is a real Genie. Whenever I open a bottle, he comes to me
The more I know people, the more I start prefering dogs.
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When you break the law, you pay fines, but when you don’t – you pay taxes.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experienc
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
Clever jokes For Whats app In English
My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime restriction from the neighborhood zoo.
Individuals used to chuckle at me when I would say “I need to be a comic”, well no one’s snickering at this point.
I saw a sign that said “look for youngsters” and I thought, “That seems like a reasonable exchange.”
Tossing corrosive isn’t right, in a few individuals’ eyes.
A BIOLOGIST, A CHEMIST,AND A STATISTICIAN ARE OUT HUNTING.THE BIOLOGIST SHOOTS AT A DEER AND MISSES 5FT TO THE LEFT,THE CHEMIST TAKES A SHOT AND MISSES 5FT TO THE RIGHT,THE STATISTICIAN YELLS “WE GOT ‘EM!”
I despise Russian dolls, they’re so brimming with themselves.
My wife instructed me to quit imitating a flamingo. I needed to put my foot down.
I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
People say I’m condescending. That means i talk down to people.
WHEN I WAS A KID,MY ENGLISH TEACHER LOOKED MY WAY AND SAID,” NAME TWO PRONOUNS.” I SAID, ” WHO,ME?”
People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
As I am getting older I seem to be loosing my hair. When I went last week to the barber I joked with him that he keeps on going up in price when I have less to cut! He replied, “I should charge you double for all the time it takes me to find your hair!”
HELIUM WALKS INTO A BAR AND ORDERS A BEER,THE BARTENDER SAYS,” SORRY, WE DONT SERVE NOBLE GASES HERE.” HE DOESN’T REACT.
A woman walked into the pet shop and told the owner she needed a rat and a couple of cockroaches. “What do you need them for?” “Because,” said the woman, “I’m moving and my lease says that when I move out I must leave the place in the same condition as I found it!”
The four Katz brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented the first automobile air-conditioner. On August 15, 1951, the temperature in Detroit was 92 degrees.The four brothers walked into Henry Ford’s office and convinced him to come out to the parking lot to their car. They got him to get into the car, which was about 120 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off within a few minutes. Henry got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $2 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $1 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Katz Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each Ford car in which it was installed. Now Henry Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the katz’s name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $3 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show — Low, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.
My 16 year old son was getting his permit, so I kept telling him, “remember, when you get into your car with friends do not start driving until everyone is strapped in.” He kept on asking me to repeat it, so finally I asked him, “ why do you need it repeated so many times?” “Don’t worry” he replied, “I just love hearing the words ‘your car’! “
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinnus.
” You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
The Roman replies,” if I wanted a double,i would
have asked for it!”
why do engineers confuse hallowen and christmas?
Because oct31= Dec25
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and stays ” make me one with every thing”.
Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
WHAT DO YOU CALL TWO CROWS ON A BANCH? ATTEMPTED MURDER.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Doctor jokes For Whats PP In English
Patient: It’s been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did – the bottle said ‘keep tightly closed.’
Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.
He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.
Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.
Why did the proctologist use two fingers?
In case the patient wanted a second opinion
Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more beer?>
This is called… Positive Thinking…
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
– Doctor, this basin has a gap. Would you please repair it?
– Are you moronic! Do you know who I am?
– Yes I do – you are master in plastic surgery…
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him enter.
The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go ahead.
The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.”
St. Peter replies, “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.
Science Jokes For Whats app In English
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
A neutron walks into a bar and asks,
“How much for a drink?” The bartender
replies, “For you, no charge.”
Genetics explains why you look like your
father, and if you don’t, why you probably
Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.
all protons were in a party.
neutrons attacked them.
a hero saves them.
protons ask “who are you?”
hero says “bond……..ionic bond”
Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, “Hey, grab that electron, it’s mine!” “How do you know?” asks the second. “‘Cause I’m positive!” the first replies
Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron.
Policeman: Are you sure?
Atom: Yes, I’m positive!
What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
What do dipoles say in passing? “Have you got a moment?”
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe
If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. .
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, “For you, No Charge!!!”
A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he’ll get an “F”, he asks a fellow student what she’s been doing. “We’ve been observing water under the microscope. We’re suppose to write up what we see.” The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, “During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H’s as O’s.”
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
Fe – Fe
Fe – Fe
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry labs? Methylated Spirits.