Cool Whats app Status- Clean One Liner Jokes
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Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.”
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired..
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
“A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.““I like to tease my plants when I water them. I like to water them with ice cubes.”
“My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron, and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.”
Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
I once played a golf course that was so difficult I lost two balls in the ball washer!
A golfer who says he never cheats is also a liar.
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.
Q: What type of bow cannot be tied?
A: A rainbow.
Q: What is a nuahcerpel?
A: Leprechaun spelled backwards!
Q: What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A: A Jolly Green Giant
Why is stuff sent on ships called “cargo” and UPS sends “shipments?”
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never criticize your wife’s faults.
It might have been those faults that kept her from getting a better husband.
It’s a small world — unless you gotta walk home.
“It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall.”
Light travels faster than sound.
That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always
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The husband said ‘Our marriage is based on trust and understanding – she doesn’t trust me, and I don’t understand her’.
I asked my wife what was on the TV – she said ‘Dust’.
She offered her honour, he honoured her offer and all night long it was honour and offer
The bride looks absolutely stunning – the groom looks absolutely stunned.
My Daughter has not given us any trouble – as long as my wife and I did what we were told.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It’s TRUE! Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!
A women enjoys a man of strong will – as long as it’s made out to her.
What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
You cannot eat me unless you spread me. –Butter
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”
When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.
Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
When I’m in Champaigne, I listen to the great music on Rock 107, and when I’m out of town… They mail it to me.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Four years ago… No, it was yesterday. Today I… No, that wasn’t me. Sometimes I… No, I don’t.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get yoU.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, because, ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
An invention to end all inventions.
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A palm tree.
When a marathon runner had ill fitting shoes, he suffers the agony of defeat.
Who don’t penguins fly? They’re not tall enough to be pilots.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
The man who had fallen into an upholstery factory is now said to be fully recovered.
What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.
What did the Mexican fireman name his twin sons? Hose A and Hose B
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic, and 200 million to make a film about it.
Nothing succeeds like a parrot with no teeth.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.
Funny One Liner Jokes In Whats app
Marriage is the transference of misery from the woman to the man.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
I ran over a cat on the corner of “maybe next time” and “shoulda been faster”.
That’s not a haircut, it’s a cry for help.
Think globally, Act galactically.
An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him
When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.
Stable relationships are for horses.
You can’t have ‘manslaughter’ without ‘laughter’.
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say “elevator”, we say “lift”… they say “President”, we say “stupid psychopathic git”.
You’re as innocent as a nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.
Climate is what you expect: weather is what you get.
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
If your beauty is on the inside, turn yourself inside out.
That boy’s about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.
The difference between theory and practice … is larger in practice than in theory.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
What’s Obama’s new slogan in these tough times? Spare Change You Can Believe In!
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought “Dogs are easily amused”, then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
My friend keeps trying to convince me that he’s a compulsive liar but I don’t believe him.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
My wife told me sex is better on holiday… that wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
Ironically, the National Portrait Gallery is actually wider than it is tall.
I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling – I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I got a genuine chainsaw… this thing would cut your leg off so fast you’d have time to go “oops” before you screamed.
What a hotel I’m in. Lovely dressing gown behind the door. Soft fluffy towels and lovely sheets. Took me half an hour to get my suitcase closed.
I’m in shape… Unfortunately, it’s the shape of a potato.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Do bankruptcy lawyers really expect to be paid?
Don’t be racist, be like Super Mario. He’s an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican.
Cool Jokes One Liner In Whats app
Q: How Did Santa Cheat The Railways?
A: He Bought The Ticket And Didn’t Travel.
Santa: “i Saw My Wife Going 2 A Movie With A Strange Man.”
Banta : “did U Follow Them Inside?” “no Yaar,” Replied Santa “i Had Already Seen The Movie !”
SINGLED-CELLED LAWYER What’s the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba? One wears a tie.
MICROSOFT AND A HALTER TOP What do MiMIcrosoft and a halter top have in common? Both offer very little support!
Just be yourself ’cause that`s all that matters.
The Road to success is always under construction.
Always speak the truth, No Matter how Bitter harsh it is.!!!
All sincere boys fall in love with stupid girls, all sincere girls fall in love with stupid boys, I am neither stupid nor sincere, that’s why I am ‘SINGLE’.
Two things are infinite:the universe nd human stupidity; nd I’m not sure about the universe .
“If one day the speed kills me, do not cry because I was smiling.” ~ Paul Walker~
I am not master mind but I know when to use my mind.
I tried to join the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting – but all the seats were taken.
“Describe yourself in three words.”
I asked the doctor to give me something for persistent wind.
He gave me a kite.